Beauty in the Breakdown

There's always that day. When you just need to drop everything and cry. Just sob until all your troubles seem to melt away. But my tears won't come and my hopes aren't lifted. I'm falling deeper and deeper, my plans of rebellion etched out in my mind. Piercings at 14, sex in highschool, drugs whenever, tattoo at eighteen, and already drinking. My death will be dramatic, something caught on tape for the world to see. People need to learn just how serious this is. Depression is not and other mental diseases aren't either. War isn't the answer, as the people who start it say. Everyone preaches non-violence and goes home to support our pointless wars. Socitey is at a state of tragedy, where more deaths occur everyday. Unnatural causes of death are much more popular than old age. Soon enough we'll be putting it in the news that someone actually died by a natural cause. Nothing makes sense and everything is set in the wrong place. We worry about third world countries while teenagers kill themselves and adults sit on the streets begging for money. If all these countries need our help, who is supposed to help us? Its about time we focus on what's on our land and not what's off. We're paranoid and obsessed with threats while we can't control the people inside our country. We try to send out messages, but our generation is always ignored. Its about time we do something for ourselves and save lives in a local place.

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*squeal*   This just got posted on Fang's blog! Check it out! (yeah, Gazzy was not posted, and neither was Total. Sorry, not my fault.)

                                     

Right, so, I was scrolling down the comments on Fang's latest post (the answer to a weekly question) and found this. Someone called disneydork put it on, not me, so don't come screaming at me. (For those who do, in fact, not know, Fang's blog is at www.maximumride.blogspot.com)
Enjoy!

 When I'm having a bad day I use listen to music, draw, and write. Sometimes I'll run away for a few hours and go where no one can bother me. I just sit alone and let me calm down on my own time. I forget the world, forget the drama, and forget time. And when I come back everything is more clear. So even if the bad mood isn't totally lifted, I can make sense out of it.

I just don't understand my life at all. 
I want to band my head against the desk just to make something clear.
I'll have one or two absolutely happy days. 
They seen so real, and so perfect, but then its over. 
Depression comes flooding back into me, blocking out thoughts I once had.
I constantly quit things I love because I'm giving up on myself. 
I-I can't. This just doesn't seem right. How come nothing is fitting together in my head? 
I want it to stop. I need it to stop. B-but I don't know how. I don't want to do that to myself. 
I'm screaming on the inside, and sobbing on the outside. Just let all these thoughts stop! 
I don't want to have to worry about what everyone else thinks. I don't want to go around being a fake! 
I'm tired of smiling, I'm tired of laughing, I'm tried of caring! I need to be let free of this life. 
And soon my wish will come true. I'll be gone and happy, not having a thing to care about. 
Just nothingness, which would feel so much better than this. And I'm sorry if I got close to you. 
I shouldn't have. We all knew this was going to happen at some point. Yes, I'm finally done. 

I'm oh so sorry I'm such a nice person. 
Getting yelled at for having no temper 
Singing, singing away the trouble. 
Singing, singing for a better day. 

Pushed down when I learn to stand tall, 
kicked when I'm already,
oh but I'm still happier than you, 
look at that sick, smug smile, 

haha yes you think you can control me, 
well guess again my little friend, 
you don't get it do you, 
push me down and you're just hurting yourself,
i know how to recover but you sure don't 
Singing, singing that you'll be okay
Singing, singing that you'll one day learn 

You're confidence is oh so weak, 
you keep it up with that intimdating cover, 
you're angry words, that come from nowhere in paticular
i really don't think you get this at all 

yelling at me won't help you at all
i'm oh so sorry, i hope you'll learn, 
you've gotta pick yourself up before you throw someone down, 
no one thinks you're cool for hurting someone else
Singing, singing that you'll help yourself 
Singing, singing that you'll be strong 

never lose my temper and more intimidating than ever
i know how to hold myself up high without anyone else
i can dream for myself and decide what to do 
headstrong and determined you can't keep me down for long

but oh how you try thinking it'll make you look powerful 
no this isn't about power, you don't know your place
and you don't want anyone else to know theirs 
the envy is eating up your insides 
Singing, singing your eyes will no longer be green
Singing, singing you'll see the beauty in yourself 

Singing, singing for you and not me
Singing, singing that everything will work out fine

 Scream into your pillow,
vent non-stop to your friends, 
punch a hole in your wall. 
I'll stay in the shadows and do this myself. 
Everyone cracks under the pressure,
while I keep my feelings hidden.
It's work, its nothing personal. 
Your not fit to handle my world so just go. 
Sit in your laid out, unimaginative world of business, 
while I stand strong in the world of art. 
Creating music, pictures, books, that you think you understand. 
And criticizing them openly, when you could never do anything half as good.
So next time you go to make fun of it, think. 
Could you ever do that? 
Can you write a song and sing it for millions of people? 
Can you write a 600 page book all the words twisted together sucking you in? 
Can you paint a picture that will capture the view of the world for thousands of years? 
No, I really don't think you can. 
So leave us alone, the people who choose to live their life on the edge. 
Who create new things everyday completely from thoughts in their mind, something you could never do. 
So just stop and live your boring life; and don't be prejudiced because we're different.

1, 2, 3 I'm gone.
And I'm oh so sure you'll miss me very much.
Please, I can see how much I annoy you.
Turning my back on me everytime I start talking.
Then fine, I'll stop.
And when or should I say if, you try talking to me you'll know how I feel.
I'm reaching out to make you and me both happy, but you don't want the help.
So fine, leave me behind, I've been alone before.
I'll dream another day; maybe when I have the time.

I'm saying Goodbye now, incase I don't get another chance.
All this reaching out was a waste of my time. 
So if you when you see me again I'm different its really just you.
This is the real me, the one you never saw behind the covers. 
Well the covers are gone now and you'll see what I was trying to get out. 

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I knot that I've said I'm better and said that I'm really trying and that everytime I do I fail. Well, it's not that easy. You all have friends right? You know, ones that you can count on to listen to you, don't try to control you, don't always ignore you, or look at you funny. Well.I.Don't. And its so hard to go through all this, walking through the halls getting the worst looks you've ever seen, people hating you that you don't even know. And with the few friends you have you're always second best if not third or even fourth. That'll or they'll walk away and talk to someone else just to avoid you. I can tell you one thing, its hell. All I ever wanted was just one chance, one. I garuntee I could have at 3 or 4 good friends. I guess this is the price I pay for being perfect so many years. Preschool through fourth grade, look at the center of the popular crowd and theres me. Fifth grade, half popular half not; you know I talked to all them, but had geekier friends too. Sixth grade, dropped off the face of the earth. You know? I had some friends, but it was a huge change for me, a depressing change. Seventh grade, the attention comes back, its all negative. And now I'm stuck in it. I want to be freed so badly. I strive for compliments and get shot down more and more. My heart isn't in half, its gone. Love doesn't exist to me anymore, no real feelings do. Just guilt, because this has to be all my fault and the most depressing feelings. 4 hards year of depression, and I'm not yet 14. This is just too much for  me. Why me? Can't I have a guardian angel too? I want to run far, far away, I need too. Run to the South side just to feel alive, knowing I could get shot there. And to Death Valley to heat on my skin. Antartica to feel a chill run through my body. Iraq, Iran, and other middle-eastern countries to feel hatred. Italy to feel loved, and like I belong. Lines of graves lined up, to feel sorry. Anything I can't find in this suffocating hole I live in.

This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, so the LiveJournal team is offering users a chance to support the Depression and Bipolar Alliance, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping improve the lives of those suffering from mood disorders. Proceeds from purchases of the Emerging Sun v-gift during May will be donated to the DBSA, so feel free to buy one. Or, if you really want to rack up some good karma points, get a bunch!

And don't forget: Mother's Day is this Sunday. Be a dear and check out the v-gifts shop. Send something that'll make her smile.


L to R: Emerging Sun, #1 Mom, Gift Basket, Chocolates, A Dozen Red Roses


We know how you salivate over the prospect of new themes, especially when they're designed by users with a unique handle on both form and function.


L to R: Shiny, River at Night, Live and Learn, Vector Drips.

( Winners of the HP 'What Do You Have to Say?' Theme Design Contest )


We'd like to remind you that the nomination process for LiveJournal Advisory Board user-representatives has begun. If you think you're fit for the job, now's the time to nominate yourself! After all, you're the only who can do it. In two weeks, on the 22nd, the voting process will begin; we'll remind you about it again here.

If you're interested in keeping up with the nominations, watch lj_election_en. We'll post the results and announce the winner by the end of the day on May 30th. The new user-representatives will be seated on June 1st. Further details can also be found in lj_2008.

Hey, I started a Maximum Ride FanFiction comm. I started writing my story there, obviously, but it's new so no one else has joined yet. Check it out if you want. It has a few spoilers to Final Warning, though, so careful. It doesn't really have any Faxness, but you're all MR fans anyway so I thought I should post this.

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Faxness Forever!
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Hey everyone. I saw the post below about requesting the scans of the manga. This is probably borderline obsessive but I actually went and got it for the sole purpose of being able to scan them for the MR community. I will have it up soon ^^

 

Dance with me

And we’ll leave this night behind

Spinning up a tornado

Destroying everything else around

 

The night calls for you, for us,

Wander into the shadows never to return

Can you hear them screaming out in pain

You’re the only one who can save people like us

An angel left in all the despair

 

Dance with me

And we’ll leave this night behind

Spinning up a tornado

Destroying everything else around

 

Sing for us and bring us your hope

Even when you want to die you’re there

An eternal light, burning a path through this terrible life

Stay the night with me

We’ll make things right

Prove we belong

It’s not a dying fight

 

Dance with me

And we’ll leave this night behind

Spinning up a tornado

Destroying everything else around

 

Give them a show

We’re here to stay and they should know

Never show the mercy we didn’t get

Let them bleed for all our tears

This world was never fair for us

And now we finally get that freedom

 

Run through the streets, screaming at night

Make them wish we weren’t free

Make a path for them to follow, lead the rebellion

Never give in you represent us all

You’ll find our support in the dark lit streets

In the shadows of overgrown forests

Always there for you

Leave them scared in the ruins behind us

 

Dance with me

And we’ll leave this night behind

Spinning up a tornado

Destroying everything else around

 

Their the weakest, and we’re the strength

Time they learn what we mean to them

Never to have survived without us

Dealing with feelings that last a lifetime

Regret is as strong as flames

Vengeance cannot be stopped at any cost

Heaven exists with us and hell with them

Always portrayed the opposite, time to set it right

 

Dance with me

And we’ll leave this night behind

Spinning up a tornado

Destroying everything else around

[[Dance with me

We’ll leave this night behind]]

Advisory Board Nominations Begin

This morning we are opening the nomination process for the user-representative positions on the LiveJournal Advisory Board. A full description of the process can be found here.

To get you started, here are the basic things you should know:

- You may only nominate yourself
- Each nominee will need 100 motions of support in order to be eligible to be a candidate
- We ask that you keep your comments on the nomination posts to "I support this nomination" or something to that effect; be kind to those who will need to count the "supports", please.
- Although the nominations and election poll will take place in lj_election_en, you do not need to watch the community in order to keep up with the election; we'll announce everything here as well.

Everyone here at LiveJournal is looking forward to this first-ever User-Representative election! We'd like to thank everyone who is participating. Some words from our current Advisory Board members:

danah boyd: “LiveJournal is filled with very passionate users. These users have helped shaped LJ's various communities over the last decade and it gives me great joy that LJ is recognizing and incorporating users' voices into the decision-making processes. Having user representatives from different parts of LJ on the Advisory Board will help make sure that the company is meeting the needs of its diverse constituents.”

Esther Dyson: "I'm sure we'll learn a lot from the process, and later on from the two users selected as well. Especially, I hope that the discussions before the voting will be more meaningful and more focused on policy than those in some offline campaigns."

Brad Fitzpatrick: "It's cool that SUP is getting users involved with the LiveJournal decision-making process. I look forward to seeing who the community elects and the results of our efforts working together."

Professor Lawrence Lessig: “The user elections will provide a critical check on LJ's process of maintaining a valuable and trustworthy environment for the LJ community. The mandate of the elections will give the user representatives pride of place among the members of the Advisory Board. Each of us will look to them to guide us in our judgment about how best to make LJ the community we all aspire that it will be. I look forward to welcoming the user representatives, and learning a great deal from them.”


chasethestars has also made some banners for you to use, if you'd like to show your support for the candidate of your choice!

( Banners + code for you to use! )